The Amnesty Bill
I Want to be an Illegal Alien
By Daniel Muniz

Although quite a few people are incensed at the Senate bill that grants amnesty to millions of illegal aliens, I personally think it is an excellent piece of legislation. With this bill, our politicians have come up with a real winner that I can personally benefit from. Besides, I know a good deal when I see one and I believe that everyone should support this legislation if and only if citizens can voluntarily become illegal aliens.

Take a look at the details.

Under the provisions of this bill, people who are in this country illegally simply have to pay a $2,000 fine and then only pay income taxes for three of the last five years.

And that’s it!

There is no jail time involved; just a fine to pay. And that is why I want to become an illegal alien.

Right now I am making the most money I have ever made in my life thus I am paying taxes out the ying-yang.

However, given the opportunity to only pay a $2,000 fine and then being able to skip out of having to pay two years worth of taxes is a no-brainer for me.

And since I am already such an excellent customer to the IRS for my entire working career, I would greatly savor the opportunity of having the ability to legally avoid paying taxes for a couple of years. In fact, this Senate bill may be the greatest one-time middle class tax shelter ever created by our elected officials. I know that I can personally save a fortune on taxes and so can so many other citizens.

In addition, I won’t have to worry about health care either.

Instead of paying my health insurance premiums, I can go to my county hospital for all the health needs of myself and of my family and I won’t ever have to bother with paying any of the bills. Now that is what I call a bargain.

Furthermore, I won’t be hounded by bill collectors because after all, I am an illegal alien. Heck, I won’t even have a social security number anymore so there is no way for debt collectors to track me down for unpaid hospital charges. And if they did find me, I still wouldn’t have to pay and I would still be assured that I can continue using this “free” health care for as long as I am illegal.

As I said before, I know a good deal when I see one and I am sure that there are plenty of other citizens who have been paying through the nose because of outrageous medical bills so being an illegal alien definitely has its advantages. And besides, hospitals all around the country have been footing the unpaid bills for years because the federal government and state legislatures even provide the additional financing to cover such expenditures.

Next, I won’t have to worry about renewing my driver’s license or paying any more of those expensive auto insurance premiums. Illegal aliens have been getting a “free ride” on that for years so when I become one, I want to be able to enjoy the opportunity to escape all those responsibilities.

But there is just one area that I need clarification on.

Illegal aliens are entitled to attend just about any public college at the much lower “in-state” tuition instead of paying for the expensive “out-state” rates that all those saps who are citizens have to pay. Now that too is also a good deal although I already have my bachelor’s degree so that is not an issue but my children are only toddlers. My kids have quite a number of years to go before they are old enough to attend college so my question is whether or not I can remain an illegal alien long enough so that my children only have to pay the discounted “in-state” tuition?

I need to get an answer to that.

But anyone else who has teenage children right now will definitely be able to immediately reap the benefits when their kids go to college in a different state.

Another positive impact is that once this amnesty bill becomes law, it will open the floodgates of benefits from local and state agencies. Right now there are only a handful of local governmental bureaucracies who are doling out assistance to illegal aliens but when the federal government opens its doors to allow anyone seeking amnesty, just about every state legislature and city council in the country will feel obligated to provide plenty of new entitlements. I want to be one of those recipients especially when it comes to generous discounts in getting a mortgage and other forms of assistance.

I would very much like to have a piece of this amnesty pie and if it becomes available to all citizens, I think everybody should support it.

But I need some feedback on this one. Please let me know of any other benefits that I may have overlooked when I become an illegal alien. I want to make sure that I cash in on everything.

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